Self: In Portrait #1
From time to time, I get this itch to get myself in front of the camera and experiment. Whether it be through posing, facial expressions, movement, light or props. Some sessions last 10 minutes, and others over an hour. There’s always a few photos that come out of it which I love! Plenty that surprise me.
The most important part of these sessions aren’t the photos I end up with. The process is fun - yes, but that’s not the most meaningful part either.
The most crucial thing I gain from these self-portraits is perspective.
It is my mission and goal to make each every human I work with feel valued, beautiful, and celebrated. Being photographed is an incredibly vulnerable experience, especially if we allow ourselves to open up and meet our comfort zone at it’s edges.
Often I capture photos of my clients that I am infatuated with. I see their beauty, uniqueness, and human qualities so clearly, and they shine through in the photo.
But when a client looks at that same photo, they don’t always agree. They notice their perceived flaws almost instantaneously and begin to pick minor details about themselves apart.
The truth is we’re used to seeing ourselves either through a mirror or a phone screen. The angle we hold our phone at, the tilt of our chin - everything is calculated and becomes muscle memory. But when you’re in front of another’s camera - all those comforts go out the window. Unless you’re a model or IG influencer who has practiced day in and day out, it’s hard to move in the same calculated ways.
It breaks my freakin’ heart to be quite honest. Hearing my beloved and gorgeous clients tear themselves down or pick themselves apart.
But when I photograph myself and go through the photos, I become my own greatest critic, too. I pick apart the bags under my eyes, the expression on my face, how awkward I feel like I look. I might take 200 photos and like 20. And then when it comes to posting or sharing, I choose 1 or 2.
So each session with myself is a nice reminder, that we are all human. We’re all stuck in our heads sometimes and we will always have angles and sides of ourselves we are more comfortable with sharing.
This is a huge reason why I give my client’s plenty of photos to choose from in their galleries. I know that my favourites might not be theirs. But my hope is that in giving options and variety, that the people who work with me can begin to see themselves from these different angles, in different lights and with different expressions.
I aim to capture your natural smile as you relax, that powerful glance you took off into the distance.
I want to capture your authenticity and show you it - get you more comfortable with you whole self.
So below, is a small collection of some photographs I took the other day. I wrapped a cute shred of daisy fabric around my head to symbolize the stories and fabrics and comforts we hide behind for safety. They can become suffocating, like a box were held into. Believing we are only beautiful or worthy if we are x y or z. Enough with that shit.
As humans, I believe we’re here to experiment and explore.
We can’t do that if we’re always sticking to our comforts and our past definitions of self.
We must break free, see beyond, and allow ourselves the grace to exist just as we are - and define our standard of beauty from there.
Much love, Taylor Ellenne
